I had this grand idea of something to write about. It was going to be witty. It was going to be funny. It was going to be great. Then...then I ended up having to get something ready to ship for our friends in Seattle, I had to chat up the UPS driver as we waited for the printer to s-l-o-w-l-y print out the label and then the end of day sheet, and I had to call another store back....
OH!!!! YEAH!!
The status of my uterus. It amazes me to no end how people I really am not friends with will ask me point blank:
"Are you ever going to have a baby?"
JUH? How does one respond to this? I ended up saying (slightly under my muttered breath), "Oh, another person who wants to know the status of my uterus..." before telling the kid that I didn't know what was supposed to happen with that. By that statement, for friends and family who I DO know, I mean this: If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't. Most of my family knows that I do not believe in the use of fertility drugs (and those who didn't know that, well now you do). I know that they have helped people (some of those people being family members) have babies. Here's the thing...I don't want babIES. I would like to have one baby at a time, if it's in the cards. You are dealt the hand you are when you sign up for this life. I don't like to fool with it too much because you see, I would be just as fine either not having a child (sad a bit, but okay if that's the way it's supposed to play out) OR I'd be happy to adopt (although we don't feel the overwhelming NEED for a kid so...adoption not sure it's really in the cards for sure).
So, if anyone has any funny and witty suggestions as to how to answer that question, your help would be appreciated.
OH!!!! YEAH!!
The status of my uterus. It amazes me to no end how people I really am not friends with will ask me point blank:
"Are you ever going to have a baby?"
JUH? How does one respond to this? I ended up saying (slightly under my muttered breath), "Oh, another person who wants to know the status of my uterus..." before telling the kid that I didn't know what was supposed to happen with that. By that statement, for friends and family who I DO know, I mean this: If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't. Most of my family knows that I do not believe in the use of fertility drugs (and those who didn't know that, well now you do). I know that they have helped people (some of those people being family members) have babies. Here's the thing...I don't want babIES. I would like to have one baby at a time, if it's in the cards. You are dealt the hand you are when you sign up for this life. I don't like to fool with it too much because you see, I would be just as fine either not having a child (sad a bit, but okay if that's the way it's supposed to play out) OR I'd be happy to adopt (although we don't feel the overwhelming NEED for a kid so...adoption not sure it's really in the cards for sure).
So, if anyone has any funny and witty suggestions as to how to answer that question, your help would be appreciated.
And that concludes the update of my uterus. We will now return you to your regularly scheduled blog...
9 comments:
Whisper to them "Well, you do know that I wasn't born a woman. Right?"
Whenever people ask me that question I tell them that I have 2 dogs and I can put them in the bathtub when leaving the house for a few hours and I'd miss that flexibility if I had a human baby. I actually had one woman tell me that she'd never met another woman who didn't have a burning desire to birth a child and she didn't think I was normal.
In the same vein, I tell them I have two dogs and a boyfriend, and that's quite enough, thankyouverymuch!
Or just tell them what you told us. That will shut them up pretty quick. Most people really can't handle honesty. :P
You could get very dramatic and whisper, "I'm BARREN". (not saying you are, but whoah, that would make someone dig their heels into a screeching halt!) But the people asking (hopefully) mean well & while inappropriate, aren't trying to hurt your feelings. I liked the line, "If it happens, it happens. I'll just leave it at that." That sort of neatly closes it up for further conversation without saying anything else.
My favorite is this: "Why do you want to know?" Your family already knows that it will happen when it happens, unless you volunteer the info, nobody else needs to know. Only the potential grandmothers should be the ones asking, everyone else can go fly a kite. Sounds harsh and rude, yet they are being rude for asking such a personal question.
Love you,
Adrianne
I suggest something like, "You know, my mom always told me stories about people being raised in a barn, but I never thought they actually EXISTED!"
or, shorter and more directly, "When are you going to learn some manners?"
You might want to consider this:
"Mom (Dad), why did you put me up for adoption. I have been waiting all my life to finally connect with you so that I could share the most intimate parts of my life. Could I come home with you to fill you in on all of the details? My adoptive parents said that when you did finally make contact you were going to buy me a (whatever strikes you at the moment)."
Just a thought.
I read a response to that question in Dear Abby a while ago. Unfortunately I can't remember what she said. It was much more polite, curt and to the point. I do remember that whatever it was, the comment was followed by a change in conversation.
Of course, and this may hurt a bit, you might have to do some more work on your abs. Lol.
Dad (Your real dad, and no there is nothing on the gift horizon at this moment.)
chickie- LOVE it, although don't know if I'd be able to keep a straight face.
kerri-i usually say something to the effect of have the animals, they don't go to college...
jen- when i suggested this one to kev he laughed actually out loud!
adrianne- like this one as well. direct, makes the person squirm. will have to add it to my list.
bekah- tee hee. i like it! i like it!
dad- abs are finally getting to a place of happiness, why would i want to go and mess them up by getting preggers?!?! :)
A friend of mine has a whole bunch of responses you could try!
When asked the uber-personal question of your Uterus's status, you could say,
"currently it's in negotiatons...," and just watch the reactions. (one could quickly be reduced to puns about LABOR workers, Union pains, and of course, there's always OVERTIME)
or -
"I dunno, let's find out!" (and begin the gestures to well.. find out... giggle
or -
IF A MALE is bold enough to ask, your response could simply be:
"grand, and how's that PENIS of yours doing?" (make sure you say that one word a liiiiittle louder than the others...)
~ mr puddins
I always like dry logic:
Q: Are you ever going to have a baby?
A: I'd have to get pregnant first.
Mirror retorts are fun:
Q: Are you ever going to have a baby?
A: Are you?
For my, "Are you ever going to graduate" is about as aggravating a question as the baby one. If I'm in a good mood, I'll use the polite,
Q: Are you ever going to ____ ?
A: That's personal.
If I'm snarky, I'll say,
Q: Are you ever going to ____ ?
A: Why don't you just ask me the results of my last pap smear? That's less personal!
I just don't understand why people ask these questions. I blame it on the fact that they are very boring and don't know what else to talk about except for what they see other people ask Jennifer Aniston in People Magazine.
Post a Comment