on being me

I struggle with wanting to write about a certain topic. It's a deeply personal one to me, but I don't know how much I am willing to write knowing there really are people reading these words. From what friends have said, writing things they are having to deal with that are hard or personal in a blog is often cathartic for them and helps them through the tough times.

So here I will try...

All my life I've wanted to be a mom. I've wanted to feel the joys and sickness and swollen ankles and everything that goes along with being pregnant. It's something that both Kev and I want in our lives, a little being that is part of us. We've been married now for almost 7 years. We've discussed having kids for many of those years and even began the trying about 5 1/2 years ago. We've had tests and we've just not been able to conceive. Now, I know that speaking of "trying" is almost akin to speaking of us and our sex life, but for family and friends who ask "how's it going?" that question is like you asking how much sex we are having...

Yeah, enough of that talk. A few months ago I was sure I was finally pregnant. I was nauseated. I was exhausted. I craved certain foods. Breasts felt more tender than ever before. And then, one Saturday, I was working downtown. The next day was to be the day I would take the test because I'd officially be late. My boss was in the store so I ran next door to use the restroom (yes, we have no bathroom in the store downtown and trust me, it's okay!). I came back heartsick. Tears streaming down my face. How was I going to face the rest of my day? I was not pregnant.

I've had the hardest time figuring out my body and its cycle. I did the basal body temp test, taking my temp every morning prior to setting foot on the ground for three months. What that showed us was I have a crazy temp that is all over the place and dips and rises all willy nilly. I've paid attention to ...

*anyone not wanting to read about bodily fluid, stop reading now*









...mucus. It didn't seem to be any different all month long. No egg white consistency at a different time other than always. Finally a few months ago (prior to the last hopes raised time) I noticed that it would start out thick, get egg white like and then go back to slightly thicker before going away during and right after my period. So I watched and paid attention and really made every attempt to do the things necessary to conceive during those times (yes, that includes Kev).

But to no avail. My body is simply not accepting what should be natural to it.

I see these young teen girls having children and it's hard for me to not become depressed. I know that family members hope we decide to adopt. I can't say we will, I can't say we won't. I know that certain things are not for us, like fertility drugs or invetro. We are of the same belief that if we can't get pregnant without human interaction (other than the interaction necessary to naturally conceive) then maybe we were not supposed to get pregnant.

Right now I want to curl up in a ball and not think about anything.

not quite

My plans and hopes last night for knit night was to get the sweater all seamed up in time to wear it to the airport to get Kev. It didn't quite happen that way. I got up to the last side and sleeve and time ran out. I was on time to get Kev though and that is what matters!


However, since I am taking it slow this morning (I am heading into work at some point, but not crazy early like the past two mornings). I actually slept last night too! You see, I got probably a total of 8 hours of sleep over the three nights I was here alone. I don't sleep well when he's gone.

Anyway, I digress...


I am smitten with this sweater. The seams are a bit goofy around the shoulders, but I am thinking when I block it again it will flatten out more.


It is the softest thing! I knew it would be. The funny thing, today is going to be the warmest day this week. Tomorrow it is supposed to be a bit cooler with rain, so I guess I'll save it until tomorrow.



Chloe is already making moves to sit on me (I snapped a picture, but it cut most of her off...she sat for a minute and then couldn't get comfortable with the darn computer in her way so she bolted). I have a feeling that THIS is the sweater that makes her a snuggly kitty!!

Before I had even finished writing that sentence, she was back. LOL

not as fun

Well, I just watched KU make it into the next round, barely. However, Kev's in the airport in AZ on his way home (he got to watch it while waiting to board) and the animals, they get freaked out by Mama's screaming at the television. My hands itch from clapping. My adrenaline is now coursing through my veins. And, I have knit night tonight!

It should be interesting how tight whatever I end up working on gets. Don't get me wrong, I'm jazzed about the advancing. However, it was way too close a game for my comfort!!! I dislike these types of close games. I like the back and forth, but when it comes to the last few minutes I like my team to have a bigger advantage.

I am hoping to get to watch the next few games with Kev (see how positive I am that KU is going all! the! way!). He's had to work or was on his way home the first three. We'll see.

I will tell you this though, it's not as fun for me to watch games without Kev and others.

oh baby i'm so tired

Kev got off okay last night. I went over to my friend Amanda's house after and ate Indian food. Now, up until this point I had felt as though I didn't care for Indian food. I suppose it is curry that I'm not a fan of. What we ate last night was yum-my! I couldn't tell you exactly the names but there were chickpeas in some kind of sauce. Lentils (my fave). A spinach and cheese concoction. And the nan (sp) which is a flat bread. One was plain the other with crazy garlic. All served with rice.

Anyway, it was a wonderful night with her and her roommate. We laughed a lot. I am glad they allowed their cranky days to melt away.

Sadly I did not sleep well. I think I just don't like sleeping when he's not home. Josie started barking at some point.

Now I'm sitting still. A novelty these days. My mind isn't still though, which is annoying I must admit. It seems as though the schedules for all the stores are nagging me. Charles and I are trying to get everything set up for just the next couple of weeks. Then we can focus on the "set" schedule. We'll see how it goes tomorrow. I am going to go find something to knit on to give me a break from thinking...

oops

The funny part is there isn't anything exciting that kept me from posting this past, almost, week. Just work. Watching KU basketball when I can. Work some more. Shop a smidge. Did I mention work?

The new location we are opening is going to be fab! Window displays are almost done, just waiting for shoes to arrive so I can pick which styles are going to go on the pedestals. Most of our shoes should be here this week!!! Once we get everything loaded in, checked in, and put away, we can start loading the shoe racks with clogs. The way our stores are set up is pretty neat. The walls have these giant racks. They hold the clogs so they face you. If you want to try something on, simply find it in your size section and try it! Very cool indeed.

On the sweater front, it is all knitted up. I simply am waiting for the sleeves to dry (they are being blocked right now) and then I can seam it up. Perfect timing for this amazing weather we have been having lately! Ugh. I may be the only Portlander hoping it gets a wee bit chilly again in the future. :) Knit night is Thursday and I'm now at a loss as what to bring. Perhaps I'll take the sweater to seam up, but also take some dish clothes I started last night. I've been meaning to get some made for our dear friends for quite some time. I've had the perfect shade of purple for a while now! I love that their kitchen is purple!!

Kev's getting ready to go hang with his Dad and step Mom this week. I'll have the house to myself (which means it will stay relatively neat and clean). I'll miss him, and wish I could have gone, but I know he'll have a grand time with them. I'm hoping later this summer we can go to Texas or something...

Okay, going to go finish getting ready for work. I know, boring post, but then again...so is my life. :) Sometimes, it's okay to be bored.

better than sleeping pills

On Sunday we headed out to our friends house to get some squishin' in on their baby, Henry. Oh, we also watched KU basketball. Henry was a bit fussier than we've ever seen him, but it didn't make me want to squish any less. His Mom is always ready for me to hold him and as soon as I walk in there normally is a baby thrust into my arms.

After the game was over (with KU winning in overtime) we all sat around and chatted. I had finally gotten Henry to sleep (it seems as though standing in the bathroom with the fan blowing is key at times) and decided to sit down. He is a warm little baby. Warm and heavy. Those two things in combination normally mean sleepy time for me. Usually it's a cat that is doing the warm and heavy lounge on me. This time, a sleepy baby who would whimper a bit here and there and make me smile.

So I give you, nap time with Henry...

I am glad that Mom took the picture. It was a sweet moment that I just love.

I seriously can't get enough of this baby!

i'm a gatherer

This morning at 8:00 Josie and I had a follow up appointment with Dr. Amy. I was informed at the first appointment, two weeks ago, that they couldn't get her to go peep and could I bring a specimen in with me. Um yeah, I suppose.

I grabbed a piece of plasticware I don't mind losing and follow her out into the dark, rainy morning. I realize she's already going as I dive under her tooshy. She looks as me as if I'm the most horrible person in the whole world. How DARE I interrupt this private moment!! Lucky for me, she didn't move or stop or get me.

I took her in, she was so excited to get in the car and GO! until we GOT! Then she acted like a giant baby. She wanted to sit in my lap. She lost almost a pound, but at 74 lbs, she still is no lap dog. Dr. Amy was happy with how she's responding to the meds. Her skin is clearing up. She is thinking it is an allergy instead of something internal. If everything clears up until next year at this time, then we'll medicate for the late winter/early spring each year. If it comes back quickly, we'll look into changing her food.

I drove her home, jumped in the shower and was out the door in time to get to work ON TIME! Kev didn't even have to get up to take me in, as we thought he might.

last saturday with ella

Well today is the last Saturday I will work at the store downtown, which is the one I've called mine for 5 and a half years. It's bittersweet for me to not be working downtown, other than covering for people when they are ill. Then again, it's been sad only working here two days a week.

This morning was my last Saturday morning with Ella. Tears came to our eyes when we bid each other farewell. We did swap numbers and are planning on having lunch out sometime. She reached out for my hand and then leaned in for a kiss on my cheek. I told her she'd given me something I'd been missing in my life. She told me she had come to feel of me like a Granddaughter. Tears came quickly.

I am glad I took the time to get to know Ella. She's an amazing woman with wisdom that she is willing to share. And I'm willing to listen.

ready for sunday

This week has been exhausting, to say the least. I've spent the past two mornings at the Deep Hole getting things to construct the window display at our new location. It's really coming together. Today I had a ton of MDF cut to size so I can make pedestals. The guy who cut it all was very sweet. Supposedly they are only allowed to make 7 cuts per customer for free and then charge. Ronnie didn't charge me. :)

I was hoping I was getting to use a real! live! nail gun. You know, with the compressor, etc. Yeah, not happening. I will be using a regular hammer. At least I am getting to make choices when it comes to layout of the new store.

Okay, going to go sit and stare at the television intermittently with the computer.

shame spiral

I hope my dear friend over at Female CS Grad Student does not take offense (who really is a dear friend in real life so I know she won't be upset and if you are, tell me sweets!). Dog knows I've offended before by "responding" to a post someone wrote (someone who at the time I thought of as a friend).

How many of you have things you've done (or not done) in your past that make you want to curl up into the fetal position and rock? I'm sure many of you. I have done it myself. I think to myself, "WHY?" Why do I allow these feelings of embarrassment, regret, of just feeling ick about things that happen so long ago, in my life now?

So I stopped. I could regret things until the day I decide I'm done on this earth, but you know what? It doesn't change the fact that I made the choices that allowed those things to happen. So, instead of living life in the past (not saying my friend does, but there are things she remembers that bring back those feelings of embarrassment/regret/why why why) I decided a while ago to allow myself to be thankful for all those "wrong" things I did oh so long ago (and oh so near ago). Those things, they helped me become the woman I am today.

I happen to like that woman. She's smart, funny, loving. She's got a great sense of self. She's kind to others. She still does stupid things. And that is what I love. She's human. Humans are not perfect. Nobody is.

Take a long look at your life. Your life NOW, as you know it. Are you happy with the person you have become? If so, fantastic! Thank that person you were while you were growing up for helping you along the way. If not, what can you do to change it?

Shame spirals are not 100% great, but they aren't 100% evil either. They are simply another tool, helping us learn how to live.

blah blah and a little more blah

I am nearing the end of the knitting of my very first sweater. Something has taken over me and made me not feel like knitting. I am beginning to think that my subconscious does not want me to finish because I'll never have another first sweater. I suppose I will have a first sweater knit in the round (all non knitters just smile and nod, knowing that is something different than what I am doing now). I still have to seam everything up, which people tell me is a pain.

Or it could simply be now that it's near 60 outside I don't feel like sitting with lovely baby alpaca in my lap? Yeah, doubt that too.

I am going to make myself knit tonight. Actually, the thought of sitting at home and just knitting sounds lovely right about now. I'm covering the store downtown for the woman who normally works Monday. She's not feeling well (I swear I didn't come into contact with anyone while sick!!!).

Okay, this is a thrilling post...bah.

better?

Well, I am feeling almost 100% again. We'll call it 85% at this time.

During this illness I've lost 3 lbs (although not in the healthy diet and exercise way so they are sure to come back and that is fine), I've gotten two rows done on the second sleeve (I'd hoped to use this being sick and not being able to move to my advantage, but the whole not being able to move and sit up thing really got in the way), I've realized fruit punch flavored Gatorade is not my favorite anymore (really I don't think any of them are my favorite, but it used to be the least offensive but since Kev bought the largest bottle of it and it's almost all I've had to drink the past few days...), and I now know that washing my hair and promptly sleeping on it is not good (when hair is longer you can get away with it a bit easier, when short you just look like Don King when you get your ass up finally).

Okay, my sister in law is on the phone and she's in town so we are heading out to eat. Wow! I get to leave the confines of the house! I've not left this place since Wednesday!!!! WOO HOOO!!!

mia

The flu is an evil thing. It takes down the strongest of people, leaving them weak and spent. Nothing other than sleeping can happen. No knitting, no blogging...

randomness

~ I got a call from our vet today just to check on Josie and to tell me about her labs. Wow. I really like our vet quite a bit. I told her she is the reason we keep going back to the office. She and the office staff. She was blushing on the other end of the phone.

~ As the day progresses my stomach has been feeling less and less happy. I keep getting told to drink tea, put on my scarf, take it easy, _________ (fill in the blank). My throat is also feeling a bit nasty, that lovely postnasal drip crap.

~ The thought of sitting and knitting sounds so yummy right now. Although when I get home just sitting might be happening. Sometimes, when I'm not feeling grand, knitting takes too much energy.

~ It has been raining nonstop today. Normally we have a bit of a break here and there, but not today. It's been just ugly out. Of course it is Portland in the winter...so I shouldn't complain.

~ I can hardly believe this is my third post of the day. Funny thing, none have been stellar. All have been boring and random. Which is to say my life is rather boring and random these days?

~ Celery is the best thing on the face of the planet right now. I actually am wanting some right now, but with the lack of a good grocery store downtown and none in my fridge...probably won't be having any today. Ah well.

~ Josie's pills almost cost $80.00 until the pharmacist at Rite Aide told me they would price match if I wanted to take all the time to call around...I did and it cost not even $15.00! Oh yeah, always call around!

~ Time has flown today. I'm nearing the last two hours of my day at work. This brings me joy.

yea!!!

I just got off the phone with my closest girlfriend, Jill (perhaps you have read her name here before?). She's been between jobs for a little while now but today...today when I called to confirm my ideas for Thursday, she told me she couldn't because SHE'D BE AT WORK!!!

I can hardly wait to hear all about her first day, which is tomorrow.

CONGRATS JILL!!!!!

hack hack sniffle

I am NOT getting sick. There, I said it. I may be coughing this morning and having to blow my nose, but I am NOT getting sick. I refuse! It used to be I could convince my body to not get sick simply by saying those words (or at least it seemed like that was what happened since I felt sick, I said those words with conviction, I stopped feeling sick). Lucky for me, I am only on the floor today and Saturday. Although I'd really prefer to not get sick since this week will be filled with much work on window displays and just general running around. I am thinking on Thursday, after yoga, Jill and I will run to the hardware store to get some things I need for the first display at the new store. I want to run her by the shop so she can see what we are working with (I say we and I when talking with her about the displays as well...she's helping, which I appreciate so very much).

So, I can't get sick. I have too much crap to do.

I drank an Emergen-C this morning so I hope that helps...

I am NOT getting sick.

one pooped pup

Josie's appointment went well. She has a skin irritation/allergy and was put on antibiotics. I will get the script filled tomorrow since I didn't have a chance to today. She's been zonked ever since I got home this evening. Curled up on the couch next to me while I...you guessed it...knit.

Second sleeve is underway.

I went to talk with the boys at Documart today with my artist friend. It went well. I can hardly wait to see the business cards, earring cards, and small hang tags printed out. I also talked about Diana's cards too. She gave me the go ahead and we'll be getting them printed, too.

gotta give him credit

Last week we made an appointment to take Josie to the vet. It's her yearly check to talk about the "peep" pills she takes and redo the prescription. It's refills are good for a year. We also want to talk about the mysterious bald spots that are cropping back up on her right side. The last time we had a different vet look at her and he simply put her on Benadryl. No talks of scrapings. He did blood work, but that came back with no information.

Anyway, I made the appointment with Kev so that we both could go. It's at 10:00, so a little less than an hour now. I wake Kev up at 9:10 to let him know it's time to start getting ready. He says to me, after laying there for a while, "Would you be upset if I didn't go?" To which I replied, "Yes, yes I would. I arranged the time with your input so we could both go."

Hey, he tried, right? I'm just glad he didn't just come out with, "I am not going." He's now in the shower getting himself ready to head to see Dr. Horlings. Josie is excited because there is movement in the house and she thinks she's getting to go somewhere fabulous. Yeah, she might be sad in a few...

nearing completion

So I am a sleeve and a half away from being done with all the knitting of my sweater. I swear, this thing has virtually knit itself! I plan on having it done and seamed up by next Saturday so I can wear it to the coffee shop (where the girls informed me yesterday that they would not be at that location on Saturdays anymore at the end of the month). I plan on wearing it a lot (assuming it fits well and I love it as much as I am planning).

We will hopefully be getting together with friends today. These friends are ones who don't care if I knit (although remember the whole "offending" thing a while ago...that friend doesn't remember so I can knit freely in his house again...).

My head hurts. I think I need my second latte.

sitting

I am closing one of our stores today because Suzy needed to go babysit her grand kids. I'd forgotten how quiet this store can be in its last hour of being open. It's not bad, but it's quiet. I had to stay later tonight anyway because it's knit night and I figured it'd be better to go there from here since there is closer to here than home.

I'm steadily working up the front of this sweater and plan on getting a good amount done tonight. I am looking forward to sitting and knitting with my girlfriends. There will be wine and perhaps food. I hope there is food. I really couldn't care about the wine to tell you the truth. I'm not much for it right now.

Kev had off today. It was a good thing since he got home near 4:00 am this morning. Inventory. Sucky, but from what he says the people who conduct the inventory (they hire off site peeps) said it was an easy one since he had gotten the store so organized. I guess the former manager really wasn't all that neat and orderly.

Things with my Grandma are not sounding all that grand. She's in the hospital and really fighting for life. Personally, I think she should allow her body to go. She's had a hard life and with her dementia she's not had a very quality filled life these last few years. I almost feel as though I lost my Grandma a few years ago...It is hard, but it's almost harder watching her go through this last stage.

Okay, on that bright and cheery note...I'm out!

rains have returned

I know it's been quite some time since I posted what some might call a "real" post. I've been going on and on about all this knitting. I'm sure it's enough to make some of our friends roll their eyes (if not poke them out).

Well, there hasn't been a whole lot going on here, other than the knitting. Dog is great. Cats are fabulous. Kev is sleeping. I'm training two new people. Today is the first day on the floor for both of them. It should be interesting. I hope that we get customers in today since it's rather cold and rainy out.

It's hard to get up and be up during the rainy season. Normally I am fine and have no problems with it, but this winter (even though it's been the driest we've had in years) has been different. Right now I could close my eyes and fall back asleep. And before you start saying I get to bed too late, I was back there reading by 9:30 with lights out an hour after.

I remember having an odd dream right before I woke. Kev and I moved into an apartment that had a huge bathroom. It was an older bathroom, but had some crazy shower head that was the predecessor to the nozzles that shoot at the abdomen. But in the dream these would swivel and I'd end up with water up my nose.

I woke to Josie needing to go out, into the rain. Perhaps the rain lead me down the dream path of feeling like I was being drowned.

So you see, other than the knitting, nothing exciting is happening here. Sorry to bore. :)

progress is the most beautiful word

I've been a knitting fool these past few days.
I just can't get enough. This yarn is the most beautiful and soft and lovely.

It's just making itself, this sweater is. This is technically the back, but my arms don't twist quite that way and then taking the photo...you get the idea. Anyway, the front will be exactly the same so in theory this COULD be the front. Since I'm not doing the intarsia Union Jack, it could just be the front if I decide. I will probably make it the back though, since I'm following the pattern.

I can hardly wait until it's done. Today would have been a perfect day to wear it, too. Chilly but not cold. Instead the sleeves were paired with a jacket over my tee shirt.

Okay, enough with this typing, must knit.

oh my doG oh my doG oh my doG

I've started. I let the CO sweater sit for almost three days before picking it up and diving in. I'm still a bit cautious, but I'm thinking this will result in hopefully (knock on wood) the first knitted item I've made with NO mistakes (I mean hand made qualities showing). It's soft. It's amazing. It's liquid. It feels like the most amazing piece of clothing I will ever wear. I will get pet (yeah, cuz that doesn't sound dirty at all). I will LIVE in this sweater.

I made everyone at the coffee shop this morning feel the yarn (well, the regulars I know). One guy, Paul, said he'd have sex with that yarn it felt so good. I promptly yanked the yarn from his grasp. :) I'm totally geeking out about this sweater, I know.

Knitters who read this: What was knitting your first sweater like for you? Were you blissed out? Were you freaked out? Were you as excited as me? Please, tell me you were even if you were not so I feel better about being such a knit nerd.

I am at work today. I have the sweater in my bag. I've just done the second of three reductions for the back. I then knit knit knit until the length reaches 14.5" before the confusion of "setting in" for the sleeves commences. This is where my knitterly friends will come into play. I am unsure of "bind off the first two stitches of the next two rows" means. I mean I know what that means, but in the graph it looks like the first two AND the last two of the row...

We'll cross that bridge when we get to it though.

baaaaahhhhhhhhhh

We got a card from my parents today. It was our valentine. They bought us a sheep. I laughed when I opened the envelope and saw this sheep looking at me. I know it's not THE sheep they bought us, but I am going to pretend it is.

Thank you for our sheep. I think I am going to name her Delia. I just hope she brings the family who gets her as much joy as she does me.

In other news, I am working. I'm working on designs for a local artist's business cards and other tags for her jewelry. I am meeting with Denise on Monday. I have one design done but wanted to have at least two for her to look at to make sure I am going down the path she was thinking. All the while, London is Calling!

My friend (the one who hasn't ever knit a sweater in her life either and who is traveling down this road with me) told me to start if I felt like it. Her life was busy and she wasn't sure when (other than knit night next week) when she'd have time. I cast on, and that is it. I don't know why I didn't continue on and knit the first bit. Nerves? Awe? Compete and utter fear? Yeah, I'm guessing that last one.

Assuming I get anything done for Denise tonight, I may just force myself to start knitting on it. I suppose I could use the excuse of not getting the other two projects (well the two that are for other people) done is what is holding me back, but that would be lying.

day late, dollar short?

So Kev and I have only ever "celebrated" Valentines Day one year and that was the first year we were together. I made what I think is a beautiful piece of art (although calling something I made art gives me the feeling of being a fraud because I do not make a living off of what I create) anywho, I made this beaded thing of beauty and it still hangs on our bedroom wall. After I made that I thought to myself, "well, hell! I just shot my load and will never be able to top that!" It's when I told him that the holiday that is perpetuated by Hallmark didn't really have a place in my world. (I was thinking I'd go snap a photo of it right now, but the camera is at work waiting to capture the photo for my next "sucky" ad).

The words of Stephanie really rang true with me and I could hardly write anything more eloquent or true (of course, she IS a writer who gets PAID for writing).

I will say that last night I got to spend the evening dining with my dear Kevin as well as our wonderful friend, Chuck. We only get a bit more time with Chuck as he's heading out to answer some questions he has. He's heading to his parents home in Michigan to spend time with them as their health is waning. It makes me love him more.

Love is about support and trust and knowing that you believe in the other.

So celebrate how you need and in what way is true for you.

play ball

I know, two knitting posts in a row. But seriously, does it get any cuter than this?

This is Cooper's hat. I met him on Sunday while we were visiting with Henry and his parents. Kev used to work with Coop's Dad, Jason at the mortgage place. Since they don't work together anymore we've not seen them since Coop was born 4 months ago. Well, I got some white yarn at the sale Sunday morning before heading out to Sherwood to visit. Took it with me and started the hat right then. Michelle, Cooper's Mom, was just excited. I had toyed with doing the baseball stitching around his head like it is on a ball, but he's got a huge head anyway so I figured why bring that much more attention to it. I think they will like it. Kev does...

yarn porn

This is for all those knitterly friends of mine.

I found my sweater pattern a while ago when I bought a copy of Stitch-N-Bitch Nation from 2004. It's supposed to be a sweater with the Union Jack across the front (search as I may I can not find an image of the sweater online to share).

While I love the shape of the sweater, I did not exactly want to have a flag all over it. So, I decided to find yarn that I love and just make the sweater without any intarsia'd Union Jack (I love makin' up words).

It's great when your favorite yarn store is having a sale!!

one dog yacking

The time is 1:00 AM and I am awakened by the sound of Josie expelling dinner on the floor in the hallway. She does not like getting sick (who does) and occasionally she will go slipping and sliding all over the floor because she tips herself up onto her toe nails and attempts to walk. I'm not sure what she is trying to do by walking (slipping) this way (other than freak herself out sufficiently), but when she does, I try to be there to hold her. Thankfully she did not do that this morning because as she is freaking herself out, when I am woken from a deep sleep to that sight I get freaked out too...I always fear and think (and still wonder about) seizure.

Usually she will come to my side of the bed and she'll be smacking her lips (it's her tell). She did not do that last night (that I recall) and instead I woke to the sound of one dog yacking in the hall. New alarm tone? It is a sound that would get anyone out of bed quickly so they can assess the damage and make sure the animal in question is leaning over the hardwoods.

She seems fine this morning and is currently tucked in bed with Kev and Simon. Not sure where Chloe is (although she just had her yacking turn a second ago).

A "mothers" work is never done, from what I hear. I am just wondering when Simon is going to yack so I can clean that up too.

thanks, kids

So I wanted to thank you three who answered the question in the last post. I didn't think it was a legal document either, unless signed...etc. The woman who was making a point of telling me I was wrong does work for us already. She just likes to be right about things all the time, has a big opinion, but she's not the type to sue or anything like that because she's as good as family to us (I know, there are cases of family suing family...but this is different).

Anyway, that said...today is boring. Work, THREE SALES and I'm halfway through my day. What gives people?!

Okay, one small "rush" later and the tally is only up two pairs more. Ugh.

I'm going to do some research on foot ailments. Fun, no?

better space

I've spoken candidly with the offender. He now knows he can't be a jackass...even if it wasn't on purpose. :)

Interviewing candidates for a new location. It's been interesting. Three people yesterday, two today, and one tomorrow. So far I've visited with four people, two are out for sure and two are on the call back list. I will call the two individuals and let them know why we are passing, which I don't expect to be fun for anyone. One guy just didn't think before he spoke. The other girl left me wanting more. None of her answers were full of much.

I meet with one more woman today and another woman tomorrow. I've had a good time meeting with everyone, so far.

So, if you write a handbook for a company, small company, does it become a legal document? The way I look at it, as does Chas and Ahmed, is it's a guide for our employees when they don't know the answers to general procedures, etc. One of the women who work for us (she's 100% opinionated) thinks it becomes a legal issue and makes me have to become more HR than I am thinking. What you all think? I'm not exactly sure what she means by her statement, either.

choose your words

I was told yesterday that something I had created "sucked." Now, knowing the person that said this, I am not 100% angry or ready to tear eyeballs from sockets, however I am ready to tell this person that another version of sucks could be "not your best work." It is a little less hurtful and not quite as heavy a blow to the ego.

whole lotta nothin'

Yesterday was exactly what I needed after walking for almost four days straight. I woke around 7:30 to feed everyone and then came out to the cave and sat. I sat all day. I sat and watched dumb television. I sat as I ate. I sat sat sat.

I'm ready to get to work today. I've got to call a few people to set up a few interviews. I have to write up the interview questions and print them out for note taking. I've got a clean store to see (the entire time we were gone when we'd speak with Drew he'd have a new something to tell us about...like shelves he made for outgoing transfers).

Mainly, I have work to do. I am ready. I am thankful. I am glad I got to sit yesterday. It allowed me to re-energize and get prepared for the next six months (this show happens every six months). I had a blast and would do it all again, exactly the same.

Oh and B- roulette was how I won the "big" money I did. :) I liked it best on the first day we were there (Wednesday) because the min bets were only $5.00. :)

As for the Super Bowl...halftime was the best halftime EVER!!! Prince, oh do not get me going...he was amazing!

and i didn't gain 20 lbs!

I had a great time in Vegas. It was filled with much walking, a little bit of gambling, more walking, some looking at shoes, a little more walking, listening and cheering of more and more companies and their drive to become more "green", followed by some walking, and a smidgen of drinking. Seriously, just a smidgen. I don't lie.

I've played roulette and even enjoyed it. Wendy didn't want to play alone and let's just say I had more in my pockets when we left Vegas than when we got there. True story. I lost some on the penny slots, but not more than what I'd made on the penny slots. So all in all, I came home ahead!

We saw some great shoes and some even better people. I got to see my favorite people from Dansko whom I'd met a couple of years ago when Kev and I went to PA for a friends wedding. It was great to get hugs from my girls!

We got to visit with the owner of Troentorp, one of the manufacturers we carry whose factory is in Sweden. Got to bounce ideas off of him and his American half (Paul owns the factory, John owns the warehouse in MN). I got to voice my opinions about styles and colors, which they asked for me to send more as they come to mind.

I had the smoothest margarita I've ever tasted in my life. They went down so easily, but not at a fast pace, or too many in numbers.

Charles and I got to really have some good talks about where we see the shops going, who is going to do certain things (like interviewing people, etc) and who will do other things (like writing up the orders, etc). Ahmed and Wendy were adorable and it was great to have the time with them, away from Portland.

I am home now and waiting for the Super Bowl to start. We have friends coming over and more good times will be had.

what day is it?

So I leave on Wednesday. I can hardly believe time has flown by since I learned I would be attending the WSA. I was good this time around and didn't obsess on what clothing I would be taking. I didn't list things out (well, I started to, but realized I didn't NEED to so I stopped). I didn't do sketches. I simply had Jill over and had a full closet of clean clothing. I am all packed and ready to go. I am simply taking one pair of shoes (well, boots). I got the question: "are you taking several different pairs of shoes so you can change between appointments?" Ummm, no. Not even close. One pair of boots. I know the rep will be thrilled to see I've chosen my El Naturalista boots.

So I'm out for a few days, back on Supah Bowl Sunday!! We'll be watching Da Bears at our house...so until then.

my very first video game (as an adult)

I went to Thanksgiving in January at our friends house last night. Kev ended up having to go in to work because someone was "sick." Of course it was dude's first day back after a week long vacation so we're not really thinking he was sick, rather he just didn't want to be back...

Anyway, I get to Jenn and Dugan's house and eat fabulous food and share wonderful company. Our friends, Erik and Jess, have brought over this game. I have never been so enthralled with a game personally. I've seen Kev get wrapped up in them, but I've never felt that pull. Until last night.

I left around 20 after nine and stopped to pick Kev up on the way home. I had it all figured out, I would grab him and then we'd zip over to Fred Meyer's to get the game. But as I turned into the complex where he works...WALMART. Now, I normally do not like shopping there, but the pull of this game was too great. And they stay open until midnight, Fred's I think is only until ten (which it was rapidly approaching).

Kev is playing now, but Jill will be coming over in a few hours to get her game on. It's ridiculous and there is no rhyme or reason to it, other than to have fun. And that, it achieves!

second car

Well, we did it, we decided to get a second car. It's not the most plush, but it has wheels and gets us around. It's a bit big for the driveway, so we have to park it on the street...

wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Kev calls me tonight at work...

K: "Do you still want the wheat?"

me: "What?"

K: "Weed. Do you want the Weed?"

me: "WEED?"

K: "WII! Do you still want the WII!"

me: "Why didn't you say so? YES!"

Right now Chizzle (Chuck) is boxing. He's kicking ass!

I just beat the boys in bowling...oh yeah baby! It's on!!!

new two, purl two...what's that smell?

Knit night last night was lovely. Just five of us showed up, but it had been postponed since the great snow of 2007 last week. I picked up Jenn and her neighbor, Lisa. We all headed over to Amy's where Rene was already knitting away. I started pulling out the yarn I'd made Kev's hat out of and was about to work on my wrist warmers. I'd copied off the directions (which are really easy, but since I only read them a few times I'd not yet committed everything to memory) and had put them in my bag when leaving work. Before heading over I cleared out my bag of all non-knitting things and...you guessed it, the pattern with all the other paper.

No biggie, I had back up. I decided to work on my father in law's scarf. Made great progress. Knitting two, purling two, mistake rib looks great with Manos. Then, a smell. Kind of barnyard. Kind of nauseating. Kind of...THE SCARF! Yeah, I'll be soaking that in something before I send it to him. Can you imagine, "Here, Dad...we love you. What's that? It smells? I didn't smell anything, you must be crazy!"

The really annoying thing? I still have to FINISH it while smelling that smell. Mmmm, barnyard knitting.

greenie beanies are finger food

I a sitting at work eating my lunch waiting for those ladies taking their lunch breaks to come in and disturb me. It actually makes lunch take longer, leaving me to not eat as much. It's a good thing. But those ladies, they aren't coming in. I suppose I shouldn't just say the ladies since we do have men come in, but they are not the regular lunchtime shoppers.

I made a flank steak stuffed with portabello mushrooms I got at CostCo with greenie beanies and bread. It was better last night (the steak). The greenie beanies, divine!!! I recommend anyone and everyone to eat them instead of fries. Finger food. It makes things taste better! With a hint of sea salt...mmmmm.

Tonight is knit night at my friend, Amy's. I am quite excited. We were supposed to all get together last week, but she postponed it due to the snow. Today is sunny and lovely out. I don't plan on drinking any wine, but I do plan on showing her that I found my sweater pattern. She and I were going to knit sweaters together this winter. We've slacked because of me. I couldn't find the pattern I wanted to use. Now, after running to Powells with my friend Shannon on Sunday, I have the pattern. I just need to find the yarn next. That shouldn't be too tough. We'll just head to my favorite LYS and figure out if my favorite alpaca yarn would work for it.

I'm excited. A shoe store pal I've not seen in a while just popped in. We're going to set up a date to knit. Our dogs have played together once, but we kind of lost contact after that (you know, life rearing its head and getting in the way of new friendships).

Okay, rambling has commenced so it is my sign that I need to sign off and continue my lunch.

hair thair everywhair

did i say something about photos?

Seriously, I don't think I let anyone else hold Henry for more than 20 minutes when we were visiting. And it's kind of hard to take photos of yourself holding a beautiful baby. So, no photos were taken. Although Mom promised me to send me some of him wearing his hat and I am sure we will get some ourselves. I really want a picture of me holding him while he's wearing it...you know, for my portfolio of knitted goodness.

I'm waiting for our friend, Shannon and Kiley, to arrive. Shannon and I are having a Shannons Day Out today. We start with haircuts and then off to Powells. When done there we will meet the boys for some food. They, meanwhile, will be sitting on their duffs watching football.

Oop, I think they've arrived!

tonight!

Tonight I get to go squish on a new baby. Henry was born last week...wow, just last week...and I've only met him once. However, I am hooked. This boy is the bees knees. He's the cat's meow. He's just beautiful.

I made him a hat. I couldn't resist, nor could I stand the sight of him wearing a yellow acrylic hat the hospital had given him (I know that somebody handmade it for the hospital, but acrylic just doesn't seem warm and cozy to me...especially in yellow). As soon as we got home Wednesday last week, I got the hat on the needles. I swore I'd have it completed by our next meeting. It only took me a few days to get it done.

After finishing the hat, I decided to find some little Robeez "shoes" for him too. I mean, we have a kids shoe store in the C-N-More family so why not?!? OMG! There are dinosaurs on them. And those dinos are green...just like the warm, snuggly, washable merino wool hat I had just made.

But I couldn't stop there. I was in Target yesterday with friends and saw these onesies that made me melt. There, on the front one of the two in the set, a monkey. A SOCK MONKEY! DRIVING! A CAR! Yeah, so those made it in my arms too. Looking back, the little blue and green and multi colored striped onesie would probably "gone" more with both the hat and the booties, but you just can't pass up sock monkeys driving. I mean seriously!

The camera will be taken. And photos will collect rapidly on it. I might even get to share (once I get permission from Henry's Mom and Dad).

SO yeah, I'm a little excited about seeing that boy again. What can I say? He stole my heart.

blogging with animals

Yeah, another post so soon after that lame list. I know! What did you all do to deserve this? Nothing, but the animals...you can thank them.

I'm sitting here reading my favorite blogs, waiting for A. Kev to get home and B. for it to be 6:00 so I can feed the crew and get them off my back (I do not believe in feeding them early just to regain my sanity because it reinforces this annoying behavior). They do not care what 'time' it is, rather they want food and they want it NOW. I have Josie poking me with her wet nose in the left elbow and Simon attacking my left hand. His attack makes Josie ever so happy and excited and much more poking ensues along with wiggling and jumping up onto my lap. Chloe sits quietly and lets the other two do her bidding. Have I told you she's my favorite?

what did you do today?

• Looked at Fall 07 Dansko styles at store.
• Attempted to work on handbook, but all attempts were foiled by the fact that the information was all on the laptop which I'd left at home.
• Ran to bank for store.
• Stopped by Jill's and deep cleaned her kitchen sink.
• Drank coffee and watched silly tv.
• Drove home in slush.
• Chatted with my Daddy-O.
• Now and debating what to do tonight...play games with Kev or work on handbook.
• Am also thinking about yoga tomorrow and the fact that my neck feels better now, but unsure how it will feel tomorrow.

So there you have it, a list. Not the most exciting, but it's what I've done thus far today. Exciting, no?

let it snow let it snow let it snow *UPDATED!*

So we are actually getting real! live! snow! in Portland. Usually the substance called snow by the locals resembles styrofoam balls, you know like the ones in bean bags? But this is real snow. Josie is beside herself, although has only gone out twice in the hour and 45 minutes we've been up (by we I mean me and her). There are still giant flakes falling as I type, too.

I know in years past my boss has told us to close up shop, but that is normally when it's slick. I don't think it is, but will see when I'm heading in on the bus. I think I may just take the knitting I was going to start at my friends house tonight into work. I also am not sure I will venture out tonight if it stays like this all day. I am sure she'll understand. Although a cozy fire with friends knitting sounds lovely. We'll see. I grew up in this and Dad taught me how to drive in this. I suppose it's the other people on the streets Dad didn't teach how to drive that worry me most though.

Yeah, a screwy punctuation post! :) Hell, when my neck hurts as much as it does (I have no idea why it does, either) I am not going to worry about a correctly placed comma.

So, camera...where are you?

*Oh and Dad, as for yesterdays photo of us all on the sofa, it's hard to take a self portrait with that many beings. Hopefully in May when you and Mom are here we can recreated it and you can be our photog. :)

****added****

It ended up being slick on my walk to the bus stop. I got there, barely, called Charles and told him I was bagging it. It's still snowing, many hours later. My neighbor said she'd not seen a bus go by in over a half hours. I've only seen one coming up the hill and it had chains on.

Surprise of the day, Kev got to stay home too! John, is assistant manager, came by earlier to get the keys (he'd forgotten his at home) and was saying the roads were horrible. A few hours later, Kev got a call from John saying that corporate was closing up several locations today because of the weather. This means Kev gets two days off in a row again! Tomorrow is a work at the office day for me, so really it's a work at home day I am guessing.

Stay safe and warm everyone (all who are in cold and nasty climates).

The one thing I do wish? That my neck felt better. I would be more up for snowy adventures if it were. As it is, I simply want to tuck in and work on some knitting.

cozy

Imagine, if you will, two people filled to a comfortable full after a wonderful dinner sitting on their sofa. On his lap, a rotund orange cat. On hers, a sleek calico. Under their feet, their diggity dawg.

This is a rare occurrence, all three of the animals in the same space. It's a rare occurrence for Josie to "allow" Chloe to join us on the sofa. I hope it becomes the norm soon. I love my little family.

any cuter?

I am in the process of designing fliers for the Valentine's Day yoga practice. It is a donation practice with all the proceeds going to the Oregon Humane Society. Diana and I spoke of having images of animals on the fliers. She was wanting to use images of animals who had been adopted, instead of bred and bought. I couldn't have agreed more. I came home and promptly start taking photos of the trio. All were adopted, although Simon was the only one from the OHS. Chloe was adopted from the Kansas Humane Society and Josie through Second Chance Companions.



I got a great shot of Chloe today, but adapted one of Simon and Josie to suit our needs. I'm now just waiting for the template to come from Diana's boss so I can plug stuff in.



Do they get any cuter than these three?

who knew?

A few weeks ago our fan in the bathroom decided it had had enough. It up and died. We could hear that something wanted to work, but the motor was just not turning. Kev and I enjoy doing things to our home. We like feeling the accomplishments of a job well done (although sometimes it is simply a job done). We purchased a new bathroom fan shortly after the old one passed away. It had sat on our kitchen table patiently waiting for its time to shine.

That time was today. Last week Kev started the process but we were out of batteries for our flashlight so the job had to be put on hold. After watching the Bears beat the Seahawks today he said he was going to get a bit of lunch and then run to Fred Meyers to get a few essentials. Batteries were on that short list. He got home about two hours ago and started straight in on that fan.

We have success. We will have to do a little patch work because the fan we bought was a bit smaller than the one we replaced, but seriously, it's in and it works. Patching is not too difficult and we'll do that in the next few weeks. I'm just thrilled to have a shower again with the fan on so I'm not in a sauna afterwards. I don't like the thick air in the bathroom after a hot shower. Call me crazy.

So, I will now start dinner so we can sit and relax the rest of this evening (although at some point when the bathtub is dry I do have to go in and lay down the new no slip strips...).

done

So right after we got home from the hospital on Wednesday night I immediately set to work on Henry's hat. Today, it is done. It's the sweetest. I made it out of the leftover superwash merino I made my sleeves out of. This means, they can wash it. It gets softer with every washing. I can hardly wait to get to see him again and snuggle it on his head. Don't worry, pictures will be taken!

Of course this makes knit night on Tuesday a bit of a mystery to me...whatever will I work on? I suppose there are a couple of scarves I wanted to make for my father in law and his wife. But with them wintering in Phoenix, it doesn't make much sense nor does it create a sense of urgency to get them done. Maybe I'll make myself some wrist warmers or a small skull cap...hmmmm.

wow, a week

So last we heard our heroine was battling the solar system. She'd been successful, but it was a hard journey. Okay, so it wasn't really that hard and it wasn't even all that time consuming. She simply painted, but whatever.

Since that day she's become an aunt (you know, when a very close friend has a baby and all their friends become aunts and uncles). Henry was born on Tuesday the 9th at 10:30 pm. He is possibly the most perfect and beautiful boy she's met! He's got his own blog, but currently it's just pre-birth stuff. He is just pretty. So far he's gotten one burp cloth, and has a hat on the needles. Our heroine vows to keep this child in knitted things. She also swears she will have his hat done by the next time they meet.

Other than that excitement, work has been the main focus of her attention. With her boss out of the country she's more hands-on with bills and the like. Stress has become her middle name. And today she has decided to work from home to work on the company handbook. We'll see if she truly holds true and does not go in.

Only time will tell...

duuuuuuuuuuude

I am sooo high man. Okay, not really, but if I sit in this sewing room much longer I am going to be flying because of the fumes. Cuz you know what Jill suggested we actually do today? PAINT! She was on a roll apparently, because she'd painted her basement this morning (a small wall she decided to do after she'd really painted and redecorated the rest of it over the past week or so) She is a painting gem. She enjoys taping off. She is all about cutting in. Yeah, I was happy she suggested it and offered to come help.

Kev and I moved into this house going on three and a half years ago. We love our little under 1000 sqft home. It's warm, inviting, full of fur and 100% us. My sewing room hasn't been getting much action. The ceiling was a deep blue/black background color and there was a mural of the solar system. Quite good really, but notice the past tense I use. I only felt slightly sad claiming it as my own space and painting over the whole thing. I know, a lot of work was put into it and it wasn't done poorly, I just like to feel as though my head has a bit more clearance. That ceiling felt like it was right above my head whenever I would work back in the evenings, especially in the winter.

Now, it's light and amazing and...wow, those fumes! Duuuuuuude.

unbearable lightness of being late

Yesterday we were going to get together with our exceptionally pregnant friend and her husband. Let's just say she is so pregnant, they're going in TOMORROW to get induced.

Anyway, we thought, according to the original plan, that the two of them would be coming out to the house and then we'd head to dinner. She called me in the morning to say they'd call us when they were on their way to the house. At the appointed time Kev got a call from her husband saying they were going to stop by Best Buy on their way. Then words about 5 and the restaurant we were planning on eating at were exchanged. Now keep in mind, Kev was in the middle of a computer game where the words, "WHAT? SHIT!" kept coming out of his mouth with the occasional, "YEAH!"

So when at 5:20 our friends called and asked us which one of the locations we were at...

We hopped into the car (after feeding the crew in record time) and headed to meet them. She's already ordered and consumed an appetizer. When you are pregnant and hungry, you eat. We felt so bad, but we all had a good laugh over it. I have told her that the next time we were trying to hook up with each other, she and I would do the calling and planning. :)

We're never on time anymore. I really don't understand it. I used to be the early one, he used to be much later than he is now. I thought we'd balance each other out and we'd actually be one of those "on time" couples. Nope, he's taken me out and we are now the Latersons.

Ah well. Makes it an adventure.

saturdays with ella

For a while now I've come down an hour prior to opening on Saturdays and will sit and knit while eating my bagel. Most people who read these ramblings know this already. However, there has been an addition to my Saturday mornings and her name is Ella.

Every Saturday morning I will go in, get my latte and bagel and sit to work on whatever knitted thing I currently have on the needles. I get a few rows done before Ella comes in. As soon as she comes in I put down the knitting and give her my undivided attention. Ella is an elderly woman. She has macular degneration. She has tremors. She's fallen and broken ribs. But every Saturday she makes it into the city to have her coffee and get her hair done. We've become fast friends. I look forward to our conversations. Sometimes they are about a time long past. Other times current events. She has grown very dear to me.

I am hoping to get her photograph soon. I want to always remember her zest for life. Just today she told me that she will sometimes take the Max (our train) out to the airport to simply get a cup of coffee and to walk around the shops there. "It's an adventure. It's fun," she says. I smile and know that it's things like that that will keep her young at heart. Her freedom is important to her. She doesn't let her body get her down. Sure she moves slower than she used to, but she makes adjustments and deals with things accordingly. She doesn't let her eyesight hinder her love of life. She quite simply, lives.

I get something from her that I have been missing. And I don't think I knew I'd been missing it until just recently.

next week

Okay, so next week will be the official beginning of my real routine (I better go knock on/touch wood right this very second). This week has been great, though. The snafu, not the employee's fault. It was the person who does the schedules fault (if we are pointing fingers). He owned up to it though (although he said it was "our" mistake).

I got a ton done yesterday at the office. I got an ad re-done (who knew I'd sent the one for Feb in already?) and re-sent in (we liked the one I did yesterday better). I got some kids clogs added to our link to the kids section at our website. I got things ordered for the kids store (receipts nothing fun). I got all puffy eyed from sitting in front of the computer. Oh, I did manage to put most of the yearly paperwork in boxes and get them labeled correctly. That was no small (or fun) feat.

Now, I just wait to go to work. I better go make a sandwich!

the oddities of dreams

I woke this morning shaking my head.

Dream: my sister is about to get married to the guy she dated prior to the man she is actually married to in wakeful life. This guy, for some reason, is in a wheel chair (I am fuzzy as to why in the dream but am sure it is not permanent, but an accident).

The "wedding" is in an old warehouse. There is a lack of coordination and a judge is performing the nuptials from behind an old wooden podium. At some point, during the chaos of getting everyone on the rights sides of the podium, this guy looks up at me. I smile through my dislike and he asks me to lean in, he's got something to tell me. I figure this will be good. He says, "NEVER call my your brother. I am NOT your brother..." I am baffled.

Something happened and the wedding never takes place and we fast forward to a sunny beach. She is in a beautiful gown that is blowing in the wind. David (her real life husband) is there in an off white pair of linen pants and a white button down shirt, barefooted. Before they can do anything, he looks at me and smiles. I know at that instant I can call him my brother (even if it's in-law).

END

I guess it's safe to say I am thrilled that my sister did indeed marry David and not that last guy. There was also an instant in the dream where I was floating down some canal listening to my Zune. I floated by some dolphin enclosure and they were out, performing. I was impressed until some little girl said to her mother, "I wonder what that one's name is?" and the dolphin smiled and answered in plain english. I shook my head and floated on muttering things about it being an outrage that dolphins don't speak in our language. I was pissed that the idiots around me were whispering, "did you hear that? it's name is donna!"

okay END now...

(writing this post I am lead to remember words a dear friends father used to tell her, "Nobody wants to read about your dreams, Jennifer." And I smile. Perhaps this time, he'd be right.)

yoga and a broken neck

Okay, so I don't really have a broken neck. I probably shouldn't even joke about it. But, I was so stressed yesterday morning and my shoulders ended up somewhere around my ears for the better part of the day leading to...duh duh duuuuuuhnnnn...a stiff neck/shoulders. I can't roll over in bed without searing pain running through my neck. I can kind of look left and right and up, but not so much down.

I have taken my medicine. However, if I recall correctly, it normally doesn't work until after the second or third dose. I didn't take any last night because I'd taken something earlier and then (many hours later mind you) I had beer. I don't know the particulars as to beer and this drug, but I didn't want to risk anything. So had I actually taken the first dose last night, I'd probably be feeling better by now....maybe.

As it is, yoga is going to be an adventure. And trust me, I am NOT going to miss this practice. It's been a month. A whole flipping month since I last went. Not due to me being a slacker, never that. More like, what I shall refer to simply as, the holidays. They get in the way of many things every year. This year, yoga. Last year, yeah I don't remember that long ago. I suppose I could go back to my archives, dig dig dig...but that's not my style. I am a live in the moment kind of girl. So, at this moment, I am going to get a single piece of toast and some coffee. Even though I prefer not to practice with a full stomach, I've got just under two hours before Kev takes Jill and I to class. Plus, we don't really do inversions (headstands, etc) in this community class. And even if we did, I'd not be with this neck. Unless...

um, yeah

So I think I celebrated a bit too much and a bit too early. I got to work today and at 10:15 Charles felt the need to call downtown. The guy who we thought would be working wasn't there. Not only not there, but not answering his cell either. At first I was pissed. I was ready to jump on a plane, find him, and beat him with his own phone. Then I started getting worried. I mean, it's not like him to not call if we've called him. Then I finally got him on his phone (many hours into my day of working the floor again) and he was in CO flying home...according to his schedule. It would seem as though when he originally made the plans to go away for the holidays he was not working on Wednesdays. Also, the specific date he would return was not written down (not my department people). So he will be there tomorrow. We have no fears. I will be in the office the next two days (which makes me happy since I have an ad due on Friday that I still have to shoot and put together).

In other fun news, I got to go do surveillance tonight. Kev has to do it once a month at work. Basically we went and sat in front of his store (across the parking lot) and watched his two employees. Happily, they were working. It was a riot though. I told him next time we need walkie talkies so we could go hide behind bushes and get better vantage points. We also picked out our parking spot for next month already, too.

Now, an aside for Dad: labels...I might use them, I might not. I'm not into the beta thing and only joined because blogger said the new version was replacing the beta version. Of course the email saying "Welcome" mentioned "to the new BETA" and it turned me off immediately.

sweet, sweet routine

I know I've said it before, but I like a routine. I don't mind dabbling with occassional bouts of non-routine things every once in a while. However, when it comes to work, give me routine. In at 10 out at 6 type of thing. I don't care if what happens between those hours is all goofy and odd, just give me the knowledge that I start at 10 and end at 6.

That routine will be changing a bit, but the idea is the same. When I work at the store, I am 10-6. When I work in the office, I can go in when I want and leave 8 hours later. Today. I am going to go in at 9 so I can leave at 5. I likey!

I debated about taking the car today. Kev has off work today and tomorrow. I figured he might want it, but then remembered it was Kev and sitting around the house on one day off is a brilliant thing for him. So today I drive, tomorrow I will see if I can motivate him to take me and Jill to yoga in the morning so he can go to CostCo and do other things. Then he can just pick me up so we can go to Jenn and Dugan's for dinner. Easy Peasy.

Okay, my latte is getting cold and a shower is calling.

my list

So, many of my friends have lists of things they would like to acheive in 2007. Mine is simple:

1. continue to be true to myself and those around me

End.

when one doesn't listen

Yeah so I am antsy. I want to cook when I want to cook. Kev called about an hour ago to see if we had dinner plans. I told him I was cooking. He then asked if there would be enough if someone he works with joined us. I said of course!

I originally had the thought to wait until they got here to start. The two recipes are listed in the "quick and easy" section of our Cooking Light cookbook. I figured that 45 minutes after he called it would be safe to start cooking. Yeah, they're about half an hour from being done. D'oh!

So I've turned the heat off under the beef as well as the orzo. I figured if I have to redo the orzo, not a big deal. The meat, it will be fine when I turn the heat back on. I just wish I'd had listened to the inner voice that told me to wait.

Ah well. I suppose my stomach was winning that battle. And now for pennence, the smells eminating from the kitchen are sooooo amazing. I'm so hungry!!!

and away we go

Our neighbors like to celebrate. They really like to celebrate WITH fireworks. Our dog does not like fireworks. We decided to try a little something different last night. I figured if we acted like there was nothing happening and all was normal, Josie would pick up on the vibes and remain calm. And you know what? It worked (for the most part). She only grumbled a bit instead of the full on pant, pace, bark fiasco of the past. We went to bed, turned off the music and there were still some pops and snaps happening. She got up once and tried to get on the bed with us but I told her firmly to go to HER bed and she did.

The cats, they were a bit freaked out, but they just snuggled up with us and were fine.

We had a lovely evening of ordering pizza after all the cleaning I mentioned in the last post. We watched I <3 Huckabees (can't figure out how to make a little heart icon other than that way). It was...well...it's over now. It was not like any movie I'd ever seen. Not good, not bad, it just simply was.

I continued working on knitting, but part way through one of the scarves I decided to call it a day with the knitting. Finishing two projects (both had been started already and one had very little left to do) as well as starting two made me tired. I may not knit today, I just don't know. Yeah. Right.

Kev is off to work and it's just me and the crew in the quiet of the house. The only sounds we hear are the heater and the clicking of the keys as I type. I like it this way. Kev thinks I'm nuts for not having music playing all the time. I tell him I like the quiet. He just shakes his head at me.

Oh, he wore the hat today. Actually, I put it on last night and told him I liked it so if he didn't I'd take it and he could go buy himself one. The look on his face! He promptly put it on and wore it the last few hours of 06. His remark to why he's not sure about it is: "It's just looser that I expected." I told him that if he wore it and he wasn't satisfied I have the other ball of yarn still and would make him another one, with 10 sts fewer still. I think he'll keep this one. :)

So yeah, I've got the rest of my day ahead of me and nothing in mind to fill it with. I'm sorry to those who had to go in to work today. It's one of my regular days off though so I'm not all that sorry.

done

Well, I finished Kev's hat (again). It turned out much better this time. In fact, it fits his head even! He seems a bit underwhelmed by it, but we'll see what becomes of that after he walks to work wearing it tomorrow. If he dislikes it, I will simply take it for myself and he can freeze.

I also finished a burp cloth for a friend. I'd had it bound off and everything, but it "felt" wrong. So I undid the end and added a few more rows. It's quite nice. I hope that they will use it!!!

I have a couple of other projects I have in my head to start. Two scarves are on the short list and some wrist warmers and a felted bowl are on the longer list. The scarves are for gifts so...I suppose I'll start with those tonight. One had been started but upon looking at it, I don't think I am a fan. I think I might use the pattern I have started with that yarn for another project, with the other yarn bought at the same time.

We've cleaned the house today. It feels good to have a clean environment. Granted I keep my studio space quite picked up now and with the door being hung agian I can always close myself off to the world out there. I did several times today. It was really quite lovely. Chloe and I hung out and spent some good, quality time together. She's asleep in her chair right now.

Okay, off to pick up the next project. YEA!

sheep

I clicked and here I am...at the NEW blogger.

I am a sheep.

The upside of being a sheep, I can produce my own wool (and that shit gets expensive!). The downside of being a sheep...I'm a sheep.

I am going to post a photo of the hat. You know, the one I made lovingly for my dear husband that would have covered his entire face and made him get hit by a car cuz he couldn't see it while crossing the road? Yeah, that hat.

Interesting. When uploading a photo...it makes you click by a "I accept the terms" box for photos.

Anyway, the hat. Keep in mind, it's a flipped up brim. Keep in mind that I don't do drugs, but as Jen said "The only appropriate caption for that is "Duuuuuuuude.""

This was taken with Ahmed's phone. Oddity: the phone actually flipped the image horizontally. It should not look as though the racks of clogs are behind MY left shoulder, they were in fact behind my right. Ah well.

Enjoy your laughter...

interesting

Now that the Blogger team has gone from calling it "BLOGGER BETA" to the "NEW" Blogger, I'm more interested in changing over. You think they did research to see how people responded to BETA?

Not happening yet, but in my mind for sure.

latte

math

I was on the math team in Jr. High School. I wasn't all that good so I am not sure why they kept me on the team. I wasn't the only girl, before any of you say "girl quota" to me.

It has become apparent that I still am not all that good with the numbers. I set out this year to make Kev a hat. He walks to work now and I really don't like thinking about him walking down there without proper head gear. He's my shmoopy and I want him to be comfortable walking to and from work. Last night, as I am finishing up the hat, I didn't look at it. I was simply focused in on the stitch I was working on. Then the next. And the next. You get the drift.

I tied off the yarn and said something to the effect of Eureka! It is done. Then I put it on Kev's head. Um, yeah, seriously? What was I thinking.

*picture of me with hat on, covering half of my face* (camera got left at Jill and Mark's Xmas eve)

So, instead of trying to shrink it in the dryer (which was a thought) I have decided to rip it all out and start over. MINUS 40 STITCHES!! How could I have thought that I needed to cast on 140 stitches? I know my non knitting readers are scratching their heads, scrolling down in hopes of finding some non-knitting related banter. Sorry, you should just move on to the next blog you read because this post is all about the knitting today.

This hat was to be a symbol of my love for Kev. Yeah, he didn't know this, but in my mind it was. It was going to keep him warm and safe from the wind and cold. Instead it would blind him and end up with him being hit by a car while crossing streets or parking lots that lie between home and work.

He doesn't know this yet, but he is not going to be wearing that hat until it's done in the proper size. I have half the mind to go get it now and start ripping so he doesn't have the chance to argue with me about it. Although something tells me he would be relieved to not have to wear it today. Part of me thinks he is secretly fearing what happens if he leaves the house without the hat planted on his head (rather, flopped on his head with bits oozing off). I will tell him he is off the hook and will not be made to wear the ridiculous looking thing...yet.

much

Yesterday was a lovely day spent sharing time with my dear Kev (when he wasn't watching movies that quite frankly, bore me), working on laundry (hell, it's sadly not going to do itself), knitting (getting closer adn closer to finishing Kev's hat), feeding the boys (you have no idea how good it is to say boyS when refering to our friends cats, Vladimir and Vincent...Vlad was missing for a few weeks about a month ago), eating food (although that trend is OVER now)...

We spoke to all our family (well, all but my sis who I left a message for on her machine telling them I love them and I was going to be turning off my phone- at 3:30 in the afternoon), we spoke to our friends (yes the boys are doing great and were happy to see us and get snuggles from us), we spoke to each other (I know! Get out!)...

We got generous gifts from our families (seriously? thank you!!!! new hot water heater here we come). We got thoughtful gifts from one another (music, you can never go wrong with music. Or gigantic computer monitors). We got sweet gifts from friends (a game for a system that is on the horizon, Wii!; a book to help us save money around town; jewels to make me sparkle and the Hobbit to keep Kev busy, for the PS2)...

We got some serious snuggle time in from the trio (who were all happy to have us both home). We even got to eat our favorite Mexican food last night (who knew El Tapitio would be open?).

So thank you all for the well wishes in comments, cards, emails, etc.

Let it be known that 2007 will be an amazing year. Because? We will make it so!

the list of christmas

1. awaken late and feed animals who are dancing on my head. *DONE*

2. come out to computer and putz around on it for a good hour. *DONE, with more to come throughout the day I am sure*

3. make latte and cut a slice of cheesecake for breakfast. *DONE and DONE*

4. sit around in my pj's all day *started and will be DONE all day*

5. knit a bit

6. knit a bit more

7. call family

8. open the two boxes we got from family

9. eat more cheesecake

10. maybe knit a bit more even

hope your day today is exactly how you need it to be. for me, pj's, lattes, knitting...listening to kev play guitar hero (when he wakes up)...that's all i need.

happy holidays

So I got the cards sent. Only one person mentioned looking forward to reading the letter we normally send out (only one). I emailed her back promptly and said, well then you are in for a surprise because I didn't write one this year. I ended up sending a brief update of our past year in Portland.

As I sat down tonight ready to unload about a challenging day, I decided I should reflect on a few fabulous things that have happened in our life (I know some are thinking it should be lives and my answer to them is simply: one).

Let's see, where to start? We got to start the year witn an amazing trip to Mexico with Mamasita, Walter, and Catherine. It was the right way to start the year. We relaxed and enjoyed simply being. Something we all need to do much more.

We had such a great time. We ate, we drank, we just relaxed. Some of the live performances put on at the hotel were just...

After that great start we settled into our routines, and a few months into the new year, Kev got a new job working for a mortgage/loan company. Let's just say, a fantastic job came his way shortly after and he's now happily managing a record store (well, cds, dvds, and games). He can walk to work. He can walk home for lunch (when he sits down long enough to take one). He has never been happier with a job, I believe.

Shortly after taking the new job, we headed to Hawaii to spend time with my family (he had alerted them prior to our departure that he had plans). The first full day there Kev and I hiked with David and Julianne (my sister and her husband). It was amazing. We walked through bamboo forests that almost made me cry. They were truly beautiful. The top was vast. It felt so big and calm. Will have to share some of those photos after I get them uploaded to flickr or something...

We've started making plans to head to Chicago in spring or summer (I'm hoping spring) to see Dad and Kathy. It's been far too long...

And on that note, I hope everyone has the holiday they need.

when sleep isn't there

I tried to go to bed at an early time tonight. I was yawning all day at work and figured it'd be smart to get some extra Z's tonight. Kev's passed out due to the fact he's had to be AT work at 7:00 in the morning the past two mornings. And his work? It's crazy during the holiday time. So, he didn't get a lunch today and has been running around like his ass is on fire. Tonight, he crashed and burned.

I snuggled up all warm with cats on my legs...POP, eyes open. So here I sit. I would love to turn on lights and knit, but if I do that I fear I am only asking to be awake a lot longer. What I really want to do is go back to bed, turn on my light and do some crosswords. I think Kev would not appreciate that though and I don't want to annoy him when he's trying to get some quality sleep. However, he doesn't go in tomorrow until 2:00 or so...

I wish I had amazing and wonderful words to spill forth. Lately I feel as though I've nothing exciting to share. Is it the holidays? Can we blame them for everything?

I'm tired...holidays.

I'm wishy-washy...holidays.

I'm ready to poke someone in the eye...holidays.

It could work. It could work.

tony vs. paul

Kev sent this to me to watch while I ate my bagel this morning. Music isn't key, but it adds, so if you have headphones or speakers, I suggest you listen...

rivaling russell t

I swear every single time I log into this place (or now, as I am logging in) large messages are coming up about "YOUR NEW BLOGGER IS READY!" They even went so far as to switch up the log in sides, left normally being where the old, worn out and tired blogger sign in is; right where new! exciting! thrilling! blogger sign in is. This morning, those two sides switched. They almost had me, but you know what...I was taught to read what you sign!

Okay...so, what I was really going to write about:

Is it just me or when you commit to something (say work) you should really mean that commitment? Especially when you confuse the person (say me) you are having cover for you? Is it nice to then call the other guy and ask for the original day you said you would work off? So other guy calls (me) and asks (me) if I can work in the store because our boss said to him "everything she has to do in the office can wait until Friday." Well, this would be true, but Friday I am only going to the office for maybe an hour before going to the store that is only roughly 25 minutes away from downtown, so make that 35 minutes away from the office. AND I get to drive home in the middle of rush hour! He only wants me there two hours of each persons shift...so 1-5. I will have a two hour drive home. I will be adding that time into my work day and will not be going back to the office afterwards. I will simply drive straight home. I won't even pass go to collect $200.

And if you think that is confusing, it is much worse in real life. We have switched this day on and off back and forth between the two of us, because this kid can't figure it out...does he want time with his brother? does he not? Would have made my life easier to be able to have this all down weeks before the actual day I am having to cover (which is how long he's known his bro was going to be in town)...

Ah to be 22 and carefree again. Methinks we will be having a talk with our young newbie about this one.

oooh orts

What day is it? This not having a true, set schedule is starting to play with my mind. I feel as though I am one day off, all the time. All I can keep saying to myself is, "the first of the year is near" to get through this holiday season at work.


Started some gonna be late Xmas gifts for one "set" of in-laws. We're going shopping for the other "set" today because where they life, knitted things would really just make no sense. I suppose they won't live there forever, but you never know.


My left wrist does not like it when I work with a small gauge and I'm doing ribbing. There, I said it. I can see some of you all scratching your heads, which are cocked to the side. Eyes squinting trying to figure out exactly what that mumbo-jumbo means. Then I can see some of you smiling and nodding with the sense of understanding exactly what I am saying, and feeling my pain.


My slippers have had a blow out. I suppose one or two too many times of popping out onto a slightly damp deck to check on Diggity has happened, causing the stitching to rip free. They really are not all that warm these days because of that.


I really want printer ink so I can print some photos off of the computer to replace some we've had up for a while. Although I love the photo of Russ with his first born son playing a video game when the child was still a baby (this was from our trip to Florida to see them oh so long ago)...it's time to replace it with a new photo of them.


Dogs are energy. They are large balls of energy. When that energy does not get to be released every single day, they become bouncing balls of energy. We gotta get Diggity out today, otherwise she might just knock a few things over (and by things, I mean tables, chairs...big stuff).


I had all three animals on or near me last night as I laid in bed doing crosswords. It's gotten rather cold for here and at night our thermostat is set low. Normally, not a problem. Lately, well let's just say we have two blankets, a quilt and a comforter on the bed, along with the sheets. The animals, better than any hot water bottle could ever be!

lights back on

Well, we got power restored last night a bit before 6:00. I went to Jill and Mark's (where yesterdays post was written) and around dinner time for the trio (Simon, Chloe and Josie) Jill and I zipped by the house. As we drove up the hill we noticed lights on in the hood. We were all smiles when we pulled up and saw a house alit. It was still really cold in the house though and Jill said the clock in the bedroom wasn't flashing much past 12:00 so we figured it'd just come back on. She and I went to dinner ourselves then back to her house to finish taping for painting...I wanted to let the house re-heat itself before I had to hang out too much.

So, work today, blah. Knitting I am working on, great, but somehow I turned myself around on the hat and am working it backwards from where I started. However, it's not effecting it since I am staying with the rib pattern, but I'm annoyed that I've somehow screwed that up. I will watch it when I'm working on Kev's hat.

Okay, off to bed since I work tomorrow. Let's just say, I'm taking knitting and expect to be able to get much done.

is it dark in here?

So yesterday we had some major stormy weather. It started earlier in the day, but really got going around 5:30. I left work a bit early to batten down the hatches at home. I get home and decide to grab the speakers that Kev has plugged into the computer so I can have that great Bose sound coming out of my little laptop instead (hell, the computer up front is plugged in through the stereo...). As soon as I stand in front of the desktop, *FLASH* the power bobs a bit. I decide to go ahead and light a few candles, turn off both the computers and just watch a bit of tv. The local news, all about the weather.

A few hours later, when it had sounded like it was dying down *FLASH* power is out. That was at 9:30 last night. As of 3:00 this afternoon, still no power. I called Jill and left a voice mail asking to call when she got home so I could shower. I called work and told them of the situation. They were fine with me not coming in. I am currently sitting at Mark's desk playing on the computer with our website for work and checking emails.

It's good to have great friends, but it's even better when they live so darn close! Thanks, Jill...for everything, always!

happiness

...is a clean room.

...knowing your partner doesn't hide things from you.

...cats that let you sleep in.

...a rainy day with your best girlfriend.

...knowing you get a day off together very soon.

...a latte by your side in an amazing ceramic mug.

...things just clicking.

beauty in my life

<----Meet the newest to our family of beautiful objects.

My friend has an annual ceramics sale where she and at least three other potters sell their wares. This is quite possibly, the sweetest piece of pottery I've ever held in my hands. It sits sweetly and fits perfectly in the palm of one.

My friend did not make this, although I do love her work a great deal. Her friend David (whose last name is gone out of my mind, but he's had cups he's made photographed in a book of beautiful cups) did. We had gone to dinner as he was setting his things up. I simply went back in the house to grab my knit bag and there Bliss was (that's what I've named it). I was simply drawn to it. I picked it up and couldn't set it down.

I helped one of her other friends out, setting things and arranging. She gave me the most glorious mug! My entire fist can fit inside of it! It's about a 20 oz mug. 16 oz to the bottom of the drippy glaze inside. I also bought a gorgeous bowl/vase from her collection for some friends here locally (who I know read this and will probably figure out it is them but won't see it until we get together to celebrate). I know I talk about not wanting to feel the pressure of the season and not having to feel like we HAVE to get anything for anyone (as they should not feel compelled to do for us) but when things scream, I listen. I celebrate in the moment. And tonight, the moment was right.

funny aside: when I logged in tonight, the message "your new blogger is ready to go!" meaning "switch to beta!" Funny it should come after I posted that I'm not a fan.

open letter to my blogger friends

There once was an online web log provider called Blogger. It was a bit quirky and awkward in the beginning, but as it aged it got a little easier, a little faster, a little (dare I say) better. Then it offered something called "beta." Now, I know that this provider is trying to make things even easier, even faster, and yes, even better for its users. However, when I am trying to comment on my friends sites who have made the switch and they have the word verification thing turned on, I get no word. I get the little red X in the corner of what appears to be where an image would be. In the past, I could hit "publish" and it would come back with another word for me to verify. And more times than not I would be able to see it that next time. However, not anymore.

I wanted to warn my friend Kristin that Gracie, will eat shoes again and now that she has once, anytime she eats one that is left out it is as much the person's fault as it is Gracie's. Gracie is a dog...dogs will sometimes do dumb things we wish they wouldn't. Josie is a confirmed shoe eater and even though she's not in some time, I still put my favorites away. I also wanted to tell her that it's okay to look forward to a trip if it means getting to sleep in! Totally fine.

I wanted to tell my father to have a safe trip to see my family in PA and to give them all hugs for me and tell them hello. But I could not.

Thankfully my friends like Jen, Shari, among others, have not made the switch. It is to these friends I implore, please...don't. do. it.

That is all.

Oh and Chloe is flipping adorable when she is trying to have a conversation with a crow that is sitting on a branch outside. Just want to scoop her up and squish on her.

Now, that is all.

i wrote and it went away

Ah the joys of blogger and the newest version of IE. I know there are people out there wondering why in the world I still use IE...my answer, because. :P

Anyway, I logged in this morning to blogger. I wrote out a rather lengthy post about decorating for the holidays for my friend who is on bedrest for possibly the last month of her pregnancy. I spoke of us probably not decorating our house since we are not home together for full days at all, until THE day.

I then hit spell check. I clicked the "allow pop ups" bar across the top. The post vanished. Blank screen.

So, nutshell: we ain't decorating, but in decorating my friend's house, I feel as though I'm in the spirit.

the things i learned today

Sundays are slow downtown this winter.

I can choose to be annoyed by choices Kev makes or realize the opportunities that those choices offer me.

Wind is the scourge of the earth. You can not hide from wind when you are waiting for the bus, even if there are bus "shelters" at your stop.

Girls in Indy are fabulous and funny and make me smile.

Simon is a heater hog. The little bastard slept smack dab in front of the vent in the living room all night until his Pop got home, then he went to Kev's lap.

Dogs like Port Wine spread cheese.

Television is rather irrelevant. There are shows in our DVR that were recorded when we were away. Honestly, if I didn't see a one of them, I'd be fine.

It's okay to have friends who make you smile and laugh in spite of the anger you are wanting to hold onto. And then, it's okay to let go of that anger.

Thanks, friend. ;)